Contest Sample No. 3

by V. B. Monchego, Jr.

The grumpy man has tripped on a crack and the crows in the trees are laughing at him. His hand is bleeding. His new trousers are torn at the knee. The grumpy man is alone on the sidewalk in the middle of a gated community at dusk. The neighbors watch the man through their shutters. The grumpy man stands and punches a mailbox. Ten blocks later, the man is spread eagle at the rear of a police cruiser. He has forgotten to bring identification. He was just going for a walk.

Contest Sample No. 2

by V.B. Monchego, Jr.

The grumpy man is unhappy, always, even on weekends when he is not required to labour as a government-paid provocateur. When the grumpy man prematurely flips a perfectly round pancake and it breaks into battery pieces, the frying pan sails through the kitchen window, randomly striking a Witness spreading the hopeful word of Jehovah. This action assures the grumpy man a place in eternal hellfire. On the other hand, Jesus will greet the Witness in 23 earth years at the Pearly Gates. Jesus will give the Witness a monogrammed cardigan which the Witness will wear in Heaven, causing unspoken envy among the other angels.

Contest Sample No. 1

MORNING: The grumpy man stands at his toilet. He has a headache and his vision is blurred. His penis hole is gummed up and two irregular streams miss the bowl entirely before he can cut off the flow. He knows his wife Faye will call him a slob. He will be misunderstood again. The piss on the floor is not the result of poor aim and male insolence. In a fit, he grabs a washcloth and begins to mop the floor. Behind the toilet, he finds a stump of cigar. He is not a smoker. Now he is really mad.

Announcing the Grumpy Man Flash Fiction Contest

This contest is still coming together so check back for more information. The basic rules and guidelines are:

1. Short fiction or prose poem with 500 words or less.

2. Your short piece should feature a grumpy man.

3. Heck, why not. Or a grumpy woman.

4. Contest ends July 31, 2007 when the sun goes down over the westerly most point of Canada.

5. Winners will be announced in early August 2007.

6. There will be prize money (at least enough to buy some kind of meat, liquor, and a pack of Tiparillos) and a traveling trophy.

7. Email submissions to rowan.mayhewphd@gmail.com for postings.

8. Check this site weekly for postings and leave comments. All entries will be posted unless they are so remarkably offensive that the cyber police pay me a midnight visit.

9. Examples to be posted soon.

Thanks and live heartily.